All followers of Jesus are called to serve God and make disciples, what is called the Great Commission. There are many ways that we can go about making disciples. Some do it by sharing a personal testimony while others like to walk through a gospel presentation on an app like GodTools. Some even make disciples while playing video games.
One simple step that Christians are often asked to take is to invite people to their church. Well, it sounds simple, anyway. Most churches even single out a few times during each year when they make a push for invitations. They might hand out invitation cards or have a special landing page on the website for visitors.
Inviting a non-Christian friend to church has a lot of benefits: They’ll get to see what your church is like, get a glimpse of a community they might want to join, and hear some biblical teaching. And all you have to do is invite them. The problem is that most Christians don’t do it.
Why not? If we’re called to serve God and make disciples and inviting people to church is one simple way of doing that, why don’t we? Everyone has their own reasons, but through some research, these are ten of the most common reasons that Christians don’t invite someone to church. For each reason, we’ll suggest a way of overcoming the barrier.
“I don’t think about it.”
We’re all busy. While you’re at church and the pastor reminds you to invite someone, it might seem like a good idea, but then you leave and are hungry, so you get lunch, talk about something else during the meal, and before long, inviting someone to church just slips your mind. You go about your day, checking tasks off your weekend to-do lists, watching some TV, and getting ready for the work week. Once Monday comes around, you’re consumed with work and don’t think about church again until the next Sunday, when it’s too late to invite someone.
Part of this stems from the problem that we think of church as an event that happens once per week rather than a community, but that’s a different topic altogether. For now, how can we bring inviting someone to church back to mind?
The human brain is incredibly bad at remembering things. It’s why two people can have different recollections of the same event. It’s why we have the Mandella Effect. And it’s why we forget to invite someone to church.
Depending on your job, you probably have some type of task management process to make sure you don’t forget to do things you need to do. For some people, the process is a cubicle full of sticky notes. For others, it might be an Asana project or Google Calendar.
Whatever you use to remember work processes, you can use that for your personal life as well. You can add “invite Gustavo to church” next to your grocery list and the reminder to get new tires. I personally rely on a combination of Asana, Trello, and Google Calendar for everything, because I don’t trust my brain to remember anything on its own.
“I’m afraid they’ll think I’m judging them.”
I used to watch a TV show called Scrubs. It was a sitcom set in a hospital and one of the supporting characters was a nurse named Laverne who was a devout Christian. Her faith was usually played for laughs. If a character did something wrong, she would quip, “Y’all need Jesus.” Though she was a kind woman with a genuine faith, she mostly brought up Jesus when judging others.
Pop culture is full of characters like that. Unfortunately, there’s good reason for it. Christians are often quick to judge others for not living up to the Bible’s standards, even if the person doesn’t believe in God.
So it seems logical to fear that inviting someone to church could be seen as judgmental. “Why are you inviting me to church?” they might ask. “Do I seem that messed up that only God can help me?”
One way of avoiding that misunderstanding is through proper context. Don’t talk about church in the context of something negative. Instead, talk about it in a positive way.
One way of avoiding that misunderstanding is through proper context. Don’t talk about church in the context of something negative. Instead, talk about it in a positive way. One way is by talking about your own experience. For example, if a coworker asks about your weekend, you can take that opportunity to talk about church.
“It was a great church service on Sunday. We brought in backpacks with school supplies to give out to students who need them. You should’ve seen all of the backpacks in the lobby! We go to the church on Colonial that used to be a movie theater. Have you ever been there?”
By putting the focus on the fact that church is something you enjoy, it will seem more normal and nonjudgmental to suggest that your friend might also enjoy it.
“I don’t know how to start the conversation.”
Like other types of spiritual conversations, the most difficult part of inviting someone to church is often starting the conversation. Sure, you can send a text with no context, and that might work, but it might also feel weird to both parties. Even in person, it can feel weird to jump into a church invite without any context. “This taco is so good. You should come to church with me.” Huh?
The GodTools app has tool called Openers that provides conversation starters for this type of scenario. According to the app, the prompts are designed to “help you start conversations by providing powerful, fun and interesting questions.” You can use these Openers to start a conversation that would naturally transition to inviting someone to church.
“It might make our relationship weird, particularly if my friend says no.”
Let’s say you’ve never discussed any spiritual topics with your friend. This friend may or may not know you’re a Christian, but you’ve never talked about your church. If you start talking about church and invite her, that might change the way she sees you. And it could make things weird, right?
First of all, there is little risk to inviting a friend to church. In most cultures, people won’t be offended by a church invitation, even if they’re not interested. You inviting a friend to join you in something you value that brings you joy, so in most circumstances, you don’t have to worry about your friend taking offense to that.
When it doesn’t go your way, that’s okay, because your worth is found in God, not in whether your invitation is accepted.
But what if they say no? Will you resent them for turning you down? Will they avoid you now that they know you’re one of those “church people?”
Again, probably not. It’s normal to invite a friend to something that you enjoy. Once, a friend invited me to yoga class. I declined, because yoga doesn’t seem like fun, and because I have terrible flexibility. But our friendship continued as before, even though I didn’t share that same interest with my friend.
As for you resenting being turned down, rejection is a normal part of life. You face rejection whenever you apply for a job, ask someone out on a date, or create a work of art. When it doesn’t go your way, that’s okay, because your worth is found in God, not in whether your invitation is accepted.
“The worship music isn’t good enough.”
In my country, there are a lot of churches with very polished worship services. With professional equipment, stage lighting, and talented musicians, the worship aesthetics can seem indistinguishable from a concert. If your church’s worship isn’t like that, you might think it’s not good enough for your friend.
What if that one girl who always sings off-key is onstage? What if they pick lousy songs? What if they do something super cheesy, like change the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song to make it sound Christian?
It’s okay. Worship is about loving, praising, and connecting with God. You don’t need a professional-quality production to do that. If the worship aesthetics aren’t great, you can actually use that to talk to your friend about the purpose of worship and what it means to “make a joyful noise to the Lord” (Psalm 100).
“I’m not a good enough example of a Christian.”
What if you’re a sinner and your friend knows that? It would be ridiculous to invite him to church when he knows how messed up you are, right?
Of course not. We’re all sinners who are saved by grace alone. You don’t have to have your life together and be a perfect example of a Christian — that’s why we need Jesus.
As Christians, we often have an imposter syndrome, where we worry that we’re not good enough at being a Christian. As you grow in your walk with God, He should mold your heart and shape you into a more Christlike person through a process called sanctification, but that takes time. No matter where you are in your faith journey, you’ll always feel like you could be better. That’s because you could.
But don’t let that fear of being a “good enough” Christian stop you from sharing the Good News and inviting friends to church. God uses broken, sinful people, because if He’s going to use people at all, that’s all He has to work with.
“They’ll ask questions I can’t answer.”
Christians often worry that they’ll be quizzed. If you invite your friend to church, they might ask you questions about the service, about God, or about your faith. That’s actually a good thing! Questions show an interest that gives you a great opportunity to have a spiritual discussion around topics that interest your friend.
But what if you don’t know the answer? Sure, you can jump on your phone real quick and find the answer on GotQuestions.org. But you don’t have to find the answer right away. It’s okay to not know the answer.
Tyler Ellis, Director of Let’s Talk Story, wrote an article for us about how to respond when asked a spiritual question you can’t answer. “Saying ‘I don’t know’ is an answer,” Tyler says. “This communicates humility and honesty. Not to mention, it will likely drive us to search for the answer. Why not invite the other person to search with us?”
When asked a question that you can’t answer, Tyler suggests admitting you don’t know and telling your friend that you’ll look into it and have the conversation later. “Never give a ten-cent answer to a million-dollar question,” Tyler says.
“They won’t like the sermon.”
One reason Christians don’t bring someone to church is a fear that their friend won’t like the sermon. What if you happen to bring them on the day they talk about the budget? What if the sermon is dull or, worse yet, something that might offend a non-Christian? Or you might just think that no sermon would be interesting to someone who doesn’t share the Christian faith.
Some churches announce the topics or themes of their sermons ahead of time by sending out an email or posting in a Facebook group. If you know the topic, that can help you avoid inviting someone on a day that might not be the best. But don’t get hung up on that, especially if your church doesn’t let you know what’s being planned.
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,” Paul writes to Timothy in 2 Timothy 3:16-17. So no matter what the sermon is about, assuming that it is based on the Bible, it is useful. In the Bible, God spoke to people through a donkey and a burning bush. He can speak to them through your pastor, no matter what the topic is.
Think of that Sunday as your friend’s first exposure to your church. Did you love your church the first time you went, or did it take time? Your friend might be moved to come again, he might be bored, he might be offended, and he might have tons of questions. You can’t control how your friend reacts to the experience. Only God can move your friend’s heart. All you can do is invite your friend and be there for your friend in whatever way is needed.
“I don’t know anyone who isn’t a Christian.”
Some Christians, in an effort to be “not of the world” (John 17:14), decide not to associate with nonbelievers. So they make friends with people at their church and only hang out with people who share their faith. In doing so, they make it much more difficult to make an impact in the Great Commission.
If you don’t actually know anyone who isn’t a Christian, that’s a problem. But it’s one with an easy solution. All you have to do is make an effort to meet more people. Talk to the people at the stores or restaurants you frequent. Get to know other people at your gym. If you’re in school, get to know the classmates you don’t talk to; if your children are in school, get to know their friends’ parents. Use Meetup or Facebook events to find groups related to your interests. Go to events and meet new people, many of whom won’t be Christian. Getting to know people who aren’t Christian is the first step. Once you build a relationship with them, you can invite them to church.
“I keep my friends separate.”
Some people have a weird compartmentalization with the people they know. They have their work friends and their church friends, their crossfit friends and their drinking friends. They have the friends they talk about kids with, the friends they talk about God with, and the friends they talk about sports with, but they don’t combine them.
But unlike the dip platter at a party, it’s okay to double dip with your friends. You can invite a crossfit friend to church. You can talk with the other soccer moms about God. In fact, while it’s great to talk about God with your church friends, it might be more important to talk about Him with anyone else. And there’s no reason your Zumba friends and neighbors can’t become church friends, too.
There are a number of reasons why Christians don’t invite someone to church. Some are based on legitimate fears, but none of them are good reasons not to take the chance. One of the simplest ways you can serve God is to invite people to church. It only requires a small step of faith and can have an eternal impact.
Try this
Pray for the Lord to reveal to you someone in your life who you should invite to church. Throughout the next week, look for an opportunity to invite that person.